SOME RELATIVELY RECENT COLLEGE GRADS DISCUSS THEIR MAIDS
by ELLIE KEMPER
Hi, List! I trust everybody is well. I am writing to check whether anybody has a proposal for a decent servants administration in the West Village. My flat mates and I have lucrative employments and blasting public activities that keep us out more often than not, however when we do happen to be home, we need it to be perfect! Also, we would prefer not to do it ourselves.
The world needs a 3-lb, 680-page humor anthology.
Much appreciated in advance!
Cara Nester ’06
From: Charles Manny ’03
Subject: Re: maids service?
Hi, Cara. Didn’t we roofie each other once when you were a first year recruit? You have darker hair, correct? With nectar features? I utilize a great house keeper organization that administrations the Upper East Side. Be that as it may, I am certain that on the off chance that you paid more cash somebody would make the outing down to the Village. What kind of things would you say you are hoping to have cleaned? I have observed my young lady to be especially useful in cleaning my subwoofers, my cowhide sofa, and the remainder of my tremendous loft with wraparound see. Fill me in regarding whether you might want her telephone number (or mine).
“Bracing and dire… the authors offer a feeling of shared inclination, boldness, and triumph.” – Publishers Weekly
From: Kathryn Dennis ’05
Subject: Re: servants service?
Arf arf arf!!
I have the best house keeper! I adore her to such an extent. She is extremely charming!! She is quick and painless and scents like Pine-Sol. She is especially great at cleaning washrooms. She is amusing, as well! She is continually laughing and is not really good or bad so super-sweet! I make such huge wrecks when I cook and she is soooooooo great at tidying them up! She is extremely sweet. I cherish her. I need to eat her! Eat. Arf arf!
“This is the sort of magazine you keep on your bookshelves with your most loved books.”
— Cece Bell, creator of El Deafo
I am uncertain about whether or not she has a name. Yet, in the event that you give me your location, Cara, I can place her in a taxi and direct the taxi driver to drive to that address.
On another note: Does anybody realize how to approach getting advance tickets for the game against Oxley? Lemme know!
Love and bulldogs, arf!!
All continues from What We Seek advantage the International Congress of Youth Voices. Time and again youngsters are barred from the political choices that shape their lives. The International…
From: Melissa Frank ’05
Subject: house keepers administration, etc.
Hi, everybody. Kathryn, you can get tickets for the game against Oxley by heading off to the graduated class site and tapping on “Tickets: Game Against Oxley.” That will take you to a site where you can buy tickets for the game. Fill me in as to whether you have any trouble.
Also, Bulldogs, if it’s not too much trouble recall Annual Giving. It doesn’t make a difference the amount you give; it very well may be $5 or $5,000. Investment is what is critical. Keep in mind that your blessing sums will be engraved and showed on a colossal plaque at the passage to the John H. Sununu Gymnasium. The plaque alone will cost $18,000.
As for house keepers, you can get them for very common on the off chance that you hit Canal Street whenever after 2:30 on a weekday. Fill me in as to whether you have any trouble.
From: Tyler Hoxton ’06
Subject: Re: house cleaners administration, etc.
hey, does anybody know about a house cleaner who represents considerable authority in regurgitation? our space is shrouded in some oxley buddy’s regurgitation and has been since sunday morning. it is presently thursday. our whole space scents like remaining regurgitation and it is indistinct to me and my flat mates where to get disinfectant shower or some poop like that. our mothers are coming to visit this end of the week and we might want to have the regurgitation dealt with by at that point. on the off chance that anybody has any additional house keepers, it would be ideal if you simply send them over.
also, we are hosting a gathering on saturday. all are welcome. 437 first ave., well-suited. 3. beginning around 12 PM. in the event that you upchuck we will scalp you.
From: Stephanie Nitts ’05
Subject: Ty’s gathering/maids
Hey, Tyler—can hardly wait for the gathering. Amazing!
I have 14 servants. I graduated two years back and have a great deal of things that need cleaning. I would be glad to prescribe any of my servants. They are from everywhere throughout the world and talk little bits of English. This is decent provided that you are sitting in your condo and you’re annoyed, the exact opposite thing you need to do is make casual chitchat with your house keeper. Fortunately, casual banter is near incomprehensible with a house keeper who barely communicates in English.
I haven’t got my Christmas voyaging dates from my stepmom yet, however when she messages my flight data and agenda, I will make sure to let all of you realize what days my house cleaners will have off. Expectation everybody is having a decent occasion season.
See the vast majority of you Saturday.
From: Kathryn Dennis ’05
Subject: Re: Ty’s gathering/maids
STEPHANIE NITTS! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! At the point when DID YOU MOVE TO THE CITY???!?!?!!!! I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU!!! I can barely handle it. Whoopee YAY AH AIE YAY AIE WHOOOO!!!!!
so not terrible, but not great either not really good or bad much love
From: Arnold Dean ’52
Subject: listserv abuse
Kathryn, kindly don’t utilize the graduated class listserv for individual communications.
I have lived in the city for more than 50 years now and have a lot of good house cleaners to suggest. I have discovered that a large portion of them will work for next to zero compensation, if that is of any outcome to you. My better half kicked the bucket 48 years prior, and my house cleaners are regularly my lone solace here in this misleadingly clamoring city.
So raise your voice
What’s more, sing out loud,
Join your hearts,
Make Bulldogs proud.
Arnold Dean ’52
From: Jessica Townsend ’07
Subject: Re: listserve abuse
Greetings, Bulldogs. This is marginally off-point, however does anybody comprehend open transportation in the city? I am attempting to get from the Upper West Side to Chelsea and I have been gazing at a guide for over an hour now. Has anybody ridden the underground tram train or taken the city transport previously? I am close tears.
From: Arnold Dean ’52
Subject: dead wife
Jessica: Do not take open transportation. That is actually how my better half kicked the bucket. Forty-eight years back next week.
So take our hands
What’s more, lift our eyes
Till Bulldog Heaven
Is our prize.